When the time is right, my heart will stop hiding.

I will be found. When the time is right, the fruit of our seed will bloom into what it has always been meant to be. Our mistakes and trials will become part of our past that transformed our lives, but that don't necessarily define us. When the time is right, we will know because it will feel right. We will not fear. We will not be afraid to be vulnerable, because we will be able to trust once again. In time, we will find Truth, and Love will mold us into beautiful things. We will be present and we will seek heavenly justice on Earth.

In time, we will know our place.

I'm reading the heart of Christianity by Marcus J Borg. I remember being entirely confused a few months back when I began to read it, since I just read quite a few books by Rob Bell. I had to put it down until I felt like my faith wasnt being tested and challenged, given that there was very little faith in me. The fact of the matter is, as believers we need to be challenged. We need this in order to answer questions. Why do we believe? Because we have faith. But is that enough? Be aware that believe is the same as belove. We need to belove our creator. I can't answer all the hard questions, but I can tell you that the holy bible is sacred, and was inspired by our creator. It is also worth mentioning that this holy book is both historical and metaphorical. Each story is connected to one another, and each story one of us can find a lesson or a situation where we can identify ourselves. Let's forget about pointing the fingers for what is sin, and let's wonder who He really is, and why we are here...

It's amazing how you can recognize someone, just by their writing. 

It's just like the sound of their voice...

I didn't expect to see you again.

It had been years where your eyes looked straight into mine, with rage you said goodbye. Goodbye forever.

Several months of heartache followed.

Years of shame followed.

I missed you. All of you. For a long time. A knot in my throat formed when I heard you screamed my name across the street.

There you were... with a smile on your face and a ring on your finger. My heart felt similarly to the day I began to move on. It didn't quite sink in my stomach as I know it would have, had I seen you a year after we went on our own ways.

That's the thing about time. It's incredibly healing. Not to mention God, and his never ending love. With you, I lost my dignity, and a beautiful piece of art that I had just painted, but I gained my freedom and I can spend my life living these regrets, but I chose not to. Thanks to that particular moment.

As a symbol of letting go, I skipped rocks in the lake and so it was... our past and present completely turpentine with the power of forgiveness. I wish you the best.

Forgive to be forgiven.

Nice to meet you again, Jesus.

Over a decade of darkness, just two years ago He saw my desperate ill soul.

I tried to find His love in different ways, different beliefs, but He placed things in my dreams and brought very special people in my life that showed me back to the right path. A better path that I knew before I was lost.

I believe in Jesus, not because He died for me in the cross, but because of who He was, is and forever will be. I believe He was an extraordinary human being, and the son of God. Nobody could ever measure up to be like Him, and it is not about striving to be perfect like Him, but to understand things and be aware of our surroundings like He was, to learn how to love. Learn how to Love our God. Can you imagine the world if everyone just truly loved each other?

Every entry in this blog has a meaning. Everything is true, but none of them are as true to me as Jesus. He lives within me, and if you truly knew His love, and felt His presence, you will never be the same again.

Don't forget you have a soul. The body gets old, and dies but the true you lives...

Hello Goodbye

This is a letter to the past. It can be assumed to be a memoir, and also a memorial. This moment will pass and it will simply be a recognition of a trail of good memories, forgiving and hoping to be forgiven, and self-forgiving. In the past year and a half, my life has changed tremendously. I think it took an amount of courage, as well as finding the right spark. The one that I really needed all this time while searching for love the wrong way, and dare I say, wrong places. This is a letter to all the men that I have loved. The men that I have shared my soul and heart with. You know who you are. If you find yourself stumbling upon this letter, I hope you can understand that I never genuinely intended to hurt you, and I know deep in my heart, that you did love me. In your own way, which wasn't the wrong way, but it wasn't the right way either, some of you left me after all. Please know that I'm not making you responsible for not being able to fulfill the void, because the truth of the matter is... I don't have memories of sitting on my father's lap, or I regret to say but I have no memories of him teaching me anything. My memories of how I perceived him aren't pretty. It wasn't your job to fulfill a role in my life that I can't recollect ever being there. I am sorry if I pushed you to be a reflection of a figure that actually didn't have a positive impact in my life growing up. Nevertheless, I am eternally grateful that I met you all. You indeed had an important role in my life. Perhaps one that I often took for granted, and for this I am sorry. I thank you for the flowers, for making me feel beautiful and desirable. I thank you for teaching me things. I earned an education of life with each and one of you. I learned to develop a good taste in culture. I learned about bands, and music that I now fully enjoy, and inspire me daily. I learned to appreciate french food. I learned to appreciate vegetables and a healthy lifestyle. I learned about the healing power of raw food. I learned about what is life to have loving parents with money. I learned about how lucky and unlucky some of you were. I learned how to drive a stick. I learned about economics. I learned about whiskey, fine tequila and how to make a killer margarita! I learned about gin. I learned about wine. I learned about south america and I learned how to shoot a gun. I appreciate all these gifts you gave me. They have all made me pretty cool :) At least, I feel that way. It is necessary that I say this here and not directly to you. I'm not sure if at this point in our lives, it would be appropriate to talk about our past when you have all clearly moved on. Some of you have wives, serious girlfriends or fiances. Some of these partners don't need your past to resurface, specially one that you once really loved. I hope that if one of them reads this, they can understand that I never meant harm to you or them, and if at some point I did, out of spite and defense mechanism I repent and renounce. If they can forgive any remark I made about you or them, that will also be appreciated, otherwise, I hope that this can at least provide healing and a clean slate. For right now and moving forward. Best wishes and sweet goodbyes. -W

Kavod

I grew up in a big family under an L-shaped home. My parents owned a dairy business, which I'm extremely allergic to. Not the business, but the milk, cheese and all the tremendously delicious stuff that sometimes I still eat at the risk of getting sick.

I was also raised with Christian beliefs. These beliefs, I feel, kept me safe as a child; but as I grew older these same convictions, also made me feel sheltered, and even hindered me spiritually. Perhaps because what I saw, what I learned, what I was told to follow, was very limiting not only spiritually but also intellectually. Sadly, it wasn't what it was supposed to mean, which is freedom... a sense of freedom and joy that many years later, I discovered on my own; the same way I discovered that I was very allergic to dairy when I became a vegan five years ago.

I have experienced different types of loves during the past 5 years of my life. I experienced the best romance ever, a glimpse of Kavod. All the other loves taught me something but this one really shook me to the core. The same love also turned sour, because it was missing something, it wasn't meant to be anymore, as we grew one or the other didn't belong anymore. Therefore, I also had a taste of loss and heartache. It was meant to happen, all of it. It was just as meant to happen as the day I was born, and the day I decided to take control of my life right before I turned 29. It was meant to happen as the person he is now engaged to be married to.

I believe we are in control of our destiny, but if something is not flowing right, if you're not ready for it then these experiences are simply glimpses of Kavod that merely happen to teach us about ourselves, about the things, or the thing that keeps us together. I think deep inside, I always knew it was missing something, or my immaturity wouldn't let me see that in order to be satisfied in a relationship, I needed to really understand what I wanted, and ultimately understand myself. And realize that I needed love that doesn't only scratch the surface, but that goes way deep beyond. A love that transcends, that flows and grows all at the same time. A love shared with one who felt the same.

Yoga brought me back to the most present love, the magnetism that keeps this world together, the gravity that keeps us grounded, the chance that created the universe and us from particles of star dust, the miracle that helped us evolve as human beings, the dopamine in our brains, the biological connection between a Mother and her child, water, sleep, the air I breath. This beautiful energy I like to call God. It works for me. It doesn't work for everyone, but just as everyone has their own beliefs, mine are right now. In the air I breath, right this moment, and the moments where I experience something powerful, like glue in the friendships I truly cherish. I am the luckiest girl alive and I appreciate the good and the bad and for what's to come.

The Kavod of this universe brought me to a place where life makes more sense in all corners of my life. I enjoy my job and I am living very comfortably. I can still be creative and share my artistic ideas with like minded individuals. I feel revived and all these beautiful teachings taken from different beliefs, truths and ideas are my new religion.

A beautiful spectrum of life.